addiction · recovery · triggers

Ridding Triggers

This morning, after a long night of anxiety an insomnia, I finally decided to get some cleaning done around the apartment. I’ve been in a deep depression lately and decided to try and take some action and at the very least fix my surroundings. Just looking at my apartment makes me depressed seeing the state of uncleanliness and disrepair. I decided to start with the dishes that had been piling up. As I was zoning out to some of Chopin’s greatest works losing myself in thought I came across a dirty beer glass. It was a Heineken glass, specifically crafted in a shape that maximized the flavor of the beer. Whilst trying to clean it I started to notice myself feel stressed and anxious…. for what purpose should I ever be needing this glass again? It dawned on me that I had discovered a trigger and decided to throw it away. Frantically, I opened my cabinets trashing all of my drinkware. I stopped at the crystal wine glasses that were passed down to me because of their sentimentality. I have decided that today not only will I clean my apartment, figuratively cleansing away my depression, but I will look for triggers and either pack them away or completely get rid of them. I never thought that something as simple as a glass could trigger my addiction the way it did. I have been sober for a week, and I’m desperately trying to continue walking down the path of sobriety. If you are reading this, what kinds of things trigger your addiction? What do you do when faced with a trigger? Does anyone else struggle with crippling depression to the point of getting behind on cleaning?


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